Break-Ups Blow... How To Navigate The Storm

Breakups blow chunks.

Whether it’s an amicable split or a horrible, crash-and-burn situation, you’ve invested a part of yourself into another person, and must now accept that a relationship that you once nurtured is dead as disco.
Brain-mapping studies have shown that the same regions of the brain are activated when an addict is going through withdrawals as when someone is going through a breakup, so that pain you are feeling is real, and we aren’t here to deny you that.

The good news? It takes 21 days to break a habit. That effectively means that after 21 days, your brain literally starts rewiring itself and you will find yourself subconsciously adapting to your new life, whether you wanted to or not!

In the meanwhile, to get you through the next three weeks of crazy, we have compiled a great do’s-and-don’ts list to make it just a little easier.

DO...
Cut off contact as far as possible. Be a grown-up about it, and if you share life logistics you might have to communicate through this shit show, but for the love of all things sane don’t go checking their social media every five minutes. Delete that. Exhale.
DON’T…
In fact, don’t go onto social media. Your weepy vague moody posts are like a car accident - you don’t need people rubber necking at the wreckage of your heart. Keep your dignity.

DO…
Make an angry break-up song playlist. Play it loud. Sing along. Swear. A lot. 
DON’T…
Watch “Me Before You”. Are you a sadist?

DO…
Write it out. Write all the things you hated about them, and the reasons it would never work. Write down a list of what you have learned, and what was good. Write a letter telling them that they were a lousy lover and that you hope they get piles and mistake Deep Heat for the Preparation H.
DON’T…
Send it to them.

DO…
Focus on some self-care. Go for a run, because the endorphins will literally improve your mood. Have a massage. Meditate. Read a nice boring non-fiction book to take you out of your head. Brush your goddamn teeth and get out of pajamas, because you will never feel better if you look in the mirror and give yourself a fright.
DON’T…
Go day drinking. Nothing good ever came from tequila at 11am. And if you do want to hit the booze, phone a friend. Give them your phone. Make sure that there is no drunk texting.

DO…
Flirt it up. Smooch a hot stranger in a nightclub. Hell, it’s a nice distraction and a reminder that you are sexy and the possibilities are endless, you are not going to die with your virginity growing back.
DON’T…
Opt for break-up sex. Oh, we know. It’s hot. It’s tearful and romantic and dramatic, and it’s VERY VERY BAD FOR YOU. Don’t go down the rabbit hole. Rip the band-aid off, stop rubbing salt in there, you idiot.

DO…
Be kind to yourself. Have a cry. Take a personal day.
DON’T…
Stay there indefinitely. You have to keep moving to get through this.

DO...
Talk it out with friends. Organise coffee [wine] dates to keep you distracted and your calendar full. Work out what you’re finding hard: is it the person you miss, the future you thought you had, is your ego bruised, or do you feel like you let them down? Find a constructive dialogue so that you can take the good out of this.
DON’T…
Shit-talk your ex too much. Let your friends remind you of all the things they hated about them, laugh it off, but don’t play the blame game. Everyone owns a part of this and you never look good by making other people look bad.

DO…
Be gracious. Be the bigger person. You don’t have to take abuse, but just disengage from it rather than being aggressive and awful and spiralling things to a worse place. You never know where things would be going, so don’t cock things up further. THINGS CAN ALWAYS GET WORSE.
DON’T…
Burn their shit or rub their toothbrush in the toilet.
Or just make sure they never find out.

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